Formage

As in "to cheese." I'm talking about that I'm into trying to make some cheese, (Raising Arizona anyone???) and I am reluctant to report:

Cheese - 3
HappyIdiot - 0

This is my third attempt. First batch went into the trash. Second batch- half of it made a tasty garlic/herb spread for crackers, the other half I'm trying to age, but I think that it will be very crumbly.

So I did some research. Bought the Calcium Chloride. Got the good milk from Trader Joe's. TRIPLE checked my temperature. Followed the instructions. Looks like I achieved a clean break. Cut the curd. Started stirring....

Then, the Motherf$*#@cing curd tunded to mush.

What am I doing wrong? Old milk? Stirring the rennet in too long? Letting it sit too long before I cut the curd? Not enough rennet? Too much buttermilk? Just an idiot? HEEEELLLLPPPPP!!!!!

Nothing has EVER kicked my a$$ in the kitchen, and I'm not about to let cheese be the first.

Someone, anyone.... please help.

Redundancy.

Now I'm mad.